


Denial of Reality

by illegalgreek



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M, Tumblr: levihanweek
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-28
Updated: 2015-08-28
Packaged: 2018-04-17 18:03:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4676147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/illegalgreek/pseuds/illegalgreek
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If you deny somethings existence, will it disappear?<br/>If you deny an event, will it not happen?<br/>If you deny someone's death, will they live?</p><p>-</p><p>For the Tumblr levihanweek 2k15 prompt Denial.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Denial of Reality

Blood stains and flashing memories.

That’s all that Levi could see, he saw his hands stained in blood, her blood.

He saw blood splattered green cloak, her cloak.

He saw blood on her gear, her boots, her pants, and her blouse.

All he saw was blood and he refused to look at her face, knowing the same red view he’ll see.

 

Levi didn't want to see it.

He didn’t want to see her ashen face.

He didn’t want to see her lifeless eyes.

He didn’t want to face her, no, he didn’t want to face the reality of what’s become of her.

 

But he did.

He felt his throat tighten as he took off her cracked glasses, holding them close to him while his other hand pushed back her hair.

His eyes frantically searched her blank ones, looking for something.

Looking for life.

Looking for her.

He found nothing, no familiar shine, no sparkle, nothing.

Just dead space, that’s all he saw and all he felt.

 

As the remaining soldiers had retreated back to the walls with a wagon full of dismembered lifeless bodies, Levi sat in the wagon with the bodies as his fingers drew meaningless patterns on a familiar olive calloused hand

 

He felt empty.

 

_________

 

The amount of soldiers that returned alive was a small amount and Levi was used to that, he was used to the sympathetic stares of few and angry stares of others in crowds as they looked at the wagon of the dead.

 

Levi was used to those looks, he was used to the jeers and insults, used to the stunned silence whenever they’d see the wagon of dead soldiers but this time it was a different feeling for Levi. Because she was in that wagon.

 

_________

 

Levi was used to this process.

He was used to knocking on wooden doors with a cloak in hand, he was used to the racking sobs from relatives of the dead.

He did the same actions, the same mechanic knock, said the same words and the did same nod. He did all that for the many families of fallen soldiers.

Levi was used to it all, but this time it was different.

 

Only later did he realize why it all seemed different.

It was because his hands were tainted with blood.

 

With her blood.

 

Levi had washed his hands when they’d returned, he was sure of it, but as he stared at them this time all he saw was her dried blood in the creases of his hands and at his fingertips.

He washed his hands again and looked at them but it was still there.

 

The blood was still there.

 

He continued to furiously scrub his hands, his eyes stinging and throat clenching as he bit back a cry. His hands now pink and sore were still covered in her blood, he glared at them in anger as fiery tears threatened to spill then the memories hit him.

 

Memories of dazzling eyes and a loud laughs, of soft lips and quiet words, of late nights with entangled legs, of early mornings with incoherent grunts as words, memories of her.

Levi screwed his eyes shut and curled up on the floor, his hands trembling as he fought to keep himself together.

 

More memories of her invaded his mind, but this time the memories weren’t so welcome.

Flashes of wire, flickers of terrified eyes, and burning pictures of death. Her death.

His hand dragged down his face as he let out a loud guttural scream, the tightness of his throat only being relieved as the tears he held back flowed down his cheeks.

 

She isn’t dead.

She can’t be dead.

She can’t leave him alone.

 

Even as Levi thinks this over and over again, deep down he knew that she did.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Leave a kudos or comment maybe (?)


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